You cannot avoid being hurt but you can choose how you handle it. Many times, when offenses are not handled properly, they eat deep into your heart causing emotional torture while the offender is living free. The offended, in most cases is the one who suffers pain more than the offender.
Are you in a situation where someone has hurt you and you are trying to heal? Or you’re battling with bitterness towards a person who offended you? I can relate, maybe not totally, because hurt comes in varying intensity and depth, but the solution to healing is one.
The pathway to heal and still love those who hurt you is found in Scriptures and assisted by the Holy Spirit.
One thing you should know is that the response of the unrenewed natural-mind to hurt is hate, bitterness, intended-revenge and so on. But as a Christian with a renewed mind, know that “HATE AND REVENGE IS NOT AN OPTION”. Doing any of these will only do more damage to yourself!
God commands us to Love—even our enemies!
Okay, I know what I’m saying looks difficult. It is, yet, possible. Let’s look at practical ways to deal with the strong man called hurt.
1. Acknowledge that you have been offended and instantly forgive: Be honest with yourself, with the other person and with God that you are hurt. Don’t give off false reactions when deep down, you are burning. Voice it out, don’t keep it inside.
You are telling the person not necessarily because you want an apology but just because you want the person to be aware. It is possible that the person who hurt you is not aware that they’ve hurt you.
Then forgive at the instant. We are commanded to forgive those who offend us no matter how much they hurt us. Though forgiving does not automatically heal the pain, it is the first step to healing. And it is a choice. You don’t have to feel anything before you do it.
2. Do not bug the person with your grievances: Some people will never apologize for hurting you no matter how much you sing their offense in their ears. Some will not even accept that they’ve hurt you.
But this is not about the offender now, it is about you. Move on with your healing process whether the person is repentant or not.
3. Talk to God first about it: This is the part where the heart balming begins. Talking to God about something gives you a different feel about the situation, after the conversation.
Open up to Him about how you feel. You can cry, and sulk as much as you want to. It’s a thing a do a lot when talking to God. It’s a free expression with your Father.
As you talk to God about it, God might talk back to you—or just overwhelm you with His peace. Whichever happens, you would surely feel better after.
4. Avoid gossiping about the person: There is the tendency to want to rant about what the person has done, to your friends. It’s best to avoid it except you are sincerely seeking help on the issue.
Just be careful about this else it will breed bitterness and more pain for yourself. Know when you are discussing it for the sake of help and when you are merely gossiping.
5. Write out Scripture verses that addresses offense and meditate on them.
Do this intentionally. Write out as many verses as you can that talks about the believer’s attitude towards hurt/offense or related issues.
After writing them out, consciously meditate on them. The more you think on those verses, the more your heart aligns with them.
Don’t take your eyes off the Word. Any time the pain seems to be resurfacing, recall those verses in your mind and stay on them. You can mutter them under your breath.
6. Pray with those scriptures: Acting on what the Bible says about offense and forgiveness may be difficult but with the help of the Holy Spirit, you will.
Personalize those verses and ask God to help you love despite what has been done to you. Ask Him help you walk in forgiveness.
You may not feel or see much effect the first time you pray but keep at it. Do it as often as possible till your heart finds ventilation. This may take days or weeks or even months.
7. Pray for the person often: this is difficult, honestly, because your flesh will fight it but believe me, this is a major step to breaking free. At the first few times, you may find it hard to vocalize those words but don’t stop. This is what Scripture says: pray for those who despitefully use you.
Call out the person’s name and pray good things into their lives. As you do this, you are easing your heart of the pain and you are leaving vengeance to God.
8. Do good to the person who hurt you: Like I earlier said, revenge is not an option for a Christian. Pay back evil with good. If the person needs something and you have it, give it to the person even without the person asking you. Any chance you have to show kindness, do it.
These are Biblical ways to walk in love. Offense is not worth it. It is a trap to keep you in perpetual torture. Don’t walk into the devil’s trap. Set yourself free!
